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A lot of that going around...

Posted in Babble
I am at an age where people seem to be squirting out accidental babies, getting married, and dropping dead (generally at an older age than the two aforementioned types.)

It's all a rather depressing experience. First of all, the cornerstones of my childhood have been whittled down into pebbles and lost completely or just changed shape and importance.

My grandparents, whom I admit I did not see overly much - just half a dozen times a year on special occasions, are not what they used to be. Three out of four have died, and the fourth one seems to enjoy teetering on a much self-imposed seesaw. I won't go into it in depth, but I just wish she would get a grip. I miss the old granny who crafted things, made scrumptious foods, gardened, braided my hair, and watched me play with wooden building sets.

My big brother, who was my idol through my kiddy years, has finally gotten married. It seems he is settling down. This is by no means a bad thing - in fact, I think it's some of the best news I've heard in a long time. It's been a pleasure to watch it happen, even if it happened so fast that I haven't fully gotten to know my new sister yet.

My little brother insists on living his own life apart from me. Gone is my "twin" and playmate. Now I have to make do on my own, and although he does try to come visit and encourages me to do so, it's not the same and it never will be. Ah well. At least I have my memories (until I go demented at an early age).

My parents, although I have rather well managed to hide the truth from myself, are starting to get a little old. (No, don't be insulted, I said starting!) Dad doesn't do cartwheels or give piggy-back rides, mother's ligaments are getting worn, and I refuse to let them exhaust themselves with excessive physical activity or carry heavy objects alone (especially in the case of my mother). What with all the death and illness going around, it's made me really have to take a deep breath and re-assess the immortality of my parents.
The same applies for my old kitty, who is pretty much deaf, and whose limp has become a daily thing instead of a periodical matter. At least her heart-murmur-induced coughing has stopped ever since she lost so much weight.

And then, there's work. Somehow, despite commencing work at an art studio which involved physical labor and creativity, I have somehow evolved into your standard office rat, creating things according to previous standards, producing a large amount of stuff in a short amount of time, but all of it looking the same. Some days I get so confused that the only way to keep track of it all is to make a bleeding EXCEL table and make tallies and marks in it as I go along.
Now, work is about to drastically change - I am a freelance graphic designer as of today. This should be good news, only when I look around in the world, there is so much damn talent out there that I don't know how on earth I'm supposed to be able to compete in any way. The same applies for my other passions - arts, crafts, writing...
In fact, I feel as though I have mostly given up on writing, and I haven't produced any proper "artwork" in aeons. I don't think I know what artwork is anymore.
The one thing that I designed myself for a private project has been a complete flop. I have not managed to sell a single of my high-quality offset art cards. Oh well. Perhaps it'll sell around Christmas instead. But it's bloody depressing to sit on a stash of 2000 cards that just aren't going anywhere. The biggest problem is that I simply haven't had time to properly market the things.

I mentioned that people are squirting out accidental babies left and right. What's going on? Is everyone punching holes in condoms and forgetting their pills? Are they prescribing to the "just pull out"-way of thinking? What is this?? It's very confusing and a little bit scary! How can it be happening on such a massive scale among people who definitely know what safe, protected sex is?

As for weddings.. well, that's alright. I can live with that. Just also happening at a somewhat scary pace - I believe that this year I shall be attending at least four weddings.

And last but not least, I am finally about to move in with someone. It won't be my first time away from home, but it will be the first time I actually have a short-distance relationship if you don't count my attempts to seduce a classmate in 6th grade or my knight in shining armor from first year Kindergarten who always saved me from the class bully.
I can't put into words how much I am looking forward to this.

10:23 - 1.7.2008 - post comment

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*sings* "Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same..." --Keane

lunarfruity - 11:29 - 1.7.2008


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..yeah.. :)

annmi - 11:58 - 1.7.2008


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I think I'm all done with accidental babies around me. Every guy I know of has had his testes snipped.

But I just went to my second wake in less than 7 months. One sudden heart attack and this one was a 25 year old guy that overdosed.

thebigp - 05:45 - 2.7.2008


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Cue more songage.
"At night I will protect you in your dreams
I will be your angel
You worry so much about not having enough time together
It makes no difference to me
I would be happy with just one minute in your arms
Let's have an extended play together
You're telling me that we live to far to love each other
But your love can stretch further than you and I can see
So how does it make you feel?" Well, maybe needs a further interpretation, but still... you've got to make the time to spend some time for yourself and the people you need. That's the problem when you grow older, and units (such as ye household) change, move out, age, pass away and etc. Our household unit can't be as tight as when it was when we were living abroad in a foreign society and culture, and with us as school-going children. Especially when it is in that generational stage where, for the time being, no one is reproducing. 'S not our fault our parents had us at the (relatively) advanced age that they did either. One can wonder what it'd be like having them not be sixty-somethings while we're twenty-somethings, but that'd be the case sooner or later, and you've still got to be grateful for the things we've had or still have.

Speaking from my own part, geographically, and in many other senses of proximity and time, I would say that I still live far closer than you did by pursuing a career in art in Karis or Lancaster, during the complete time of which, I lived at home with our parents. It's not fair to assume that things, pets, and people exist in a stasis just because you're not home. I made the choices I did, and even if things don't always go the way you want, I'm relatively content with who I am at my stage in life, and I had to try my legs sooner or later. Still, considering as the distance (still) isn't so far away (yet), no we don't see each other enough, but who does. You should drop by more often, and yes, so should I.

'Bout the art thing, that's one of the eventual reasons I decided to do something else with my career. I wanted to keep it as a hobby and a means of realising myself instead of it being a corporate wage-slavey used for the furthering of other peoples' goals/visions, which might not be the same as mine, but they'd be the ones with the money & final say.

If nothing else, we'll always have Roskilde '04 and Blade Runner '03, (eventual wo)maaaaaan. *ol' style spin-hug*

Plopsworth - 05:54 - 2.7.2008


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I've been going through this kinda thing lately. No one I know's dropping any kids yet (though one's already got a six uear-old), but I've got two friends with careers, a mortgage and a wedding happening next summer, and another who's in the middle of a PhD, so the fact that I'm about to start university makes me feel like I've fallen behind at some point...

bebbet - 11:45 - 2.7.2008


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Sheesh. As concerns Plopsworth's comment, this is exactly why I was considering making this a registered members only read! I am NOT on the lookout for lectures!

Phil: Ah, crap... I'm sorry for your loss.. That be mighty messed up. :(

Bebbet: Yeah, same here. Not university-wise but everything else-wise. : < There seems to be a big rush to get hitched and squirt babies left and right (even with those younger than me), and I'm nowhere near that phase.

annmi - 08:19 - 2.7.2008


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Yep, seems like I'm in the very same phase. I don't mind though. In fact, I seem strangely alienated from all this. Alienated is good, because instead of thinking "what's wrong with me" you think "what's wrong with everybody else". Makes life bearable.

Never fun to witness the mortality of one's parents :(

bitzky - 10:28 - 2.7.2008


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